Lets talk about your thinking and mindset and how important I think it is to every aspect of our life!
I think many people take it for granted, are dismissive of ‘woo woo’ mindset stuff, but actually having a resilient mindset will have the biggest impact on your life. I also believe ANYONE can have a resilient mindset, some it comes too more naturally than others, they are natural optimists, re-framing life as it comes along, others have to work more to train their mind to be resilient, BUT we all can achieve this.
Recently I have had to do a lot of work on my own mindset and wanted to share this with you, I have done a lot of work over many years to have a strong and resilient growth mindset, but recent months I have felt real wobbles and had a lot of work to do to feel back to my usual self.
Recently I gave birth to our second child. I have to admit first- I DO NOT find pregnancy easy and if I am honest, that enjoyable. The sickness, constant heartburn and nausea, then there is the physical restrictions and dis-comfort…all in all, I don’t find it easy. I found it physically and mentally challenging! This often left me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, low moods. I had a lovely water birth in hospital for my first baby and this time I was determined to have a home water birth. Feeling so challenged by pregnancy, I needed to do a lot of work and preparation for the birth to ensure I had the best birth experience I could. I did a lot of work on visualisation, daily hypnosis and trance, I worked on my internal and external language when discussing the birth and was very conscious not to take on others words, /views and opinions. When I talked about my homebirth, many people had a lot of opinions, my own dad was not very happy with the idea ‘in case anything went wrong’. Now although these views were coming from a place of love, if I had allowed these thoughts to drop into my mind and grow….thinking of all ‘that could go wrong’ I would have had a lot more anxiety and fears for the birth.
When the magical time came and our wee boy decided it was his time to come earthside, all went exactly as I had visualised it and we had an amazing positive birth at home. We had amazing support from lovely midwives (these ladies really are amazing, supportive and a treasure to the NHS!) and all went to plan. BUT I also know, if my birth had taken a different path, I would have still been able to find it a positive experience due to all the preparation we had done beforehand. Through all the stages of the labour I was using all my skills, watching my language I used to myself and also that my husband and midwives used around me, any time I had thoughts come up…’I cant do this!’….I challenged it…I have done this before, my body and baby know what to do and reframed it…. Each surge takes me closer to meeting my baby.
I know my preparation for both my births helped me have positive birth experiences, but also that the same resilient mindset can be applied to all aspects of my life.
3 C’s for a resilient growth mindset.
Catch It- Become aware of your language both internally and externally. What do you say to yourself, how do you speak to yourself, how do you talk about yourself to others? How do you allow others to talk around you and too you? Words can have a HUGE impact on our mindset, things people say to us can drop into our unconscious mind garden and grow into big overgrown weeds, strangling out all the other pretty flowers in our mind garden! What if we only spoke to ourself internally as we would speak to our family or best friend?
Become aware of the language you use and that is used around you.
Challange it- Declutter all your thoughts! We all have those times when we tell ourself a story, a particular thought that keeps coming up, fears, anxieties. Write them all down, every thought you have…’im not good enough’, ‘I’m not smart enough’….write it down in black and white releases it, takes away its power. As you read over what you have written down, feel the emotion attached to it, don’t deny it, just be aware of what comes up. Now go through each one and ask is this a truth or a lie? Is it a real obstacle for me or just an excuse I am telling myself? Be honest and you will realise, most likely that you are hitting yourself with a shit stick when actually none of it is really true!
Change it! Learn how to reframe these thoughts as they come up, we know from the last step most of them are lies, now reframe them. Could you learn something from your current experience? Can you reframe it and find a positive in the situation?
By practicing these 3 C’s you can manage your mindset and build a resilience to challenges and changes you will experience.
Imagine showing ourselves the same love and compassion as we do towards our children, family and friends, how would we feel then?